Smooth and Suave
by onhiatusbutfeelfreetofavorite
Summary: "Hi." "Um, hi." "My name's Minnie." She extended a hand for him to shake. "Mickey." An AU Mickey-Minnie first meeting.


"Rule number one of picking a lady up – never make a fool of yourself."

"Easier said than done," grumbled Mickey.

"No, seriously. If you say something stupid, make a smooth recovery and change the subject. Babbling is not endearing to these ladies. They want a smart, smooth duck – or, in your case, mouse." Donald slicked back the tuft of feathers on his head. "Trust me. I'm far more experienced than you. Now, try that cat over at the bar."

Mickey looked at the bar uneasily. "Her? She'd never go for a runt like me."

"You'll never know until you try. Remember what I've taught you. Ask her only about herself. Then take her home."

"I- I don't know about this," said Mickey, but he stumbled over to the cat anyway, hopping onto the barstool next to her.

"Hey baby," he started in a much lower voice than his own natural squeak. "What drink?"

The girl turned, raising an eyebrow at the little mouse. "Martini, extra olives."

Mickey motioned to the bartender smoothly, the way Donald showed him. "I'm Mickey."

"Ortensia." She offered a dainty hand. "And I just _love_ mice," she purred.

"Well, um," he said nervously. "That's great, yeah." He turned around to Donald and raised his eyebrows. _What do I say now?_

Donald shrugged and pointed to the girl.

He turned back around, resigning himself to being ridiculed in front of a pretty cat. "Well, Ortensia, what do you… do?"

Ortensia looked at him a bit strangely. "I'm a nurse."

"Oh. Cool." _What would Donald say?_ As sexily as he could, he said, "You wanna give me a physical checkup?" _If she says yes, then he's just about got her begging for it_.

"Ew, no. Freak!" And she took her martini and scooted down a few barstools.

Mickey traipsed back to Donald, head in hands.

"No luck?"

"I said something stupid."

"Then try a smooth recovery!"

"I couldn't recover fast enough."

Donald facepalmed. "Ugh, okay. Watch the master at work." He waddled over to a pretty little duck and slid next to her.

Mickey watched from behind the counter as Donald asked a bit about the girl, making the perfect small talk, cracking jokes at the right times. _How did he do it?_

"My name's Daisy," giggled the duck, batting her long lashes at Donald. She was already taken with him after only a few words!

"More beautiful than the flower," said Donald.

It seemed a bit much, but this Daisy girl ate it all up. Donald continued to flatter her until she was so lovestruck she just took him by the arm, downed her drink, and stood up.

"Why don't I show you where I live?" she whispered in Donald's ear.

Mickey sighed and facepalmed. Donald was so good at this!

Donald quacked in agreement and led Daisy out of the bar to the door. At the last moment he turned back to Mickey and mouthed _Good luck_.

Mickey groaned as his only friend strutted out of the bar with a beautiful lady on his arm. "I'll need it."

He stood from his hiding place and surveyed the bar, looking for another girl to hit on. There was that pretty, redheaded dog in the corner, but she was already talking to another dog… And Ortensia, no… Maybe that rabbit, but he didn't really like rabbits… There! Sitting alone in the corner, cradling a glass of wine, sat a little mouse in a red polka dotted dress.

Mickey made his way over and sat beside her on the sofa. "Hey there."

She looked up at him shyly. "Hi."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together," he recited, remembering something Donald had suggested to him.

The girl stared at him blankly for a moment before smiling slightly. "You're really not good at this, are you?"

He scratched his head and tried again. "I'm really bad at math, so can we-"

"No."

"Um, your clothes would look good on my bedroom floor?"

"Ew, no thanks." She started scooting away from him.

"Wait! Sorry, I didn't mean- I've never really done this before."

At this she stopped and put down her drink. "Me either. My name's Minnie."

"I'm- I'm Mickey," he said.

"Well, nice to meet you Mickey, but I'm really not interested."

"Just give me a chance! I've got lots of other lines. Um, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"

She laughed lightly. "Unfertilized."

"Okay, uh, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a female impersonator."

"Right. Uh, do you like my hand on this shoulder, or _this _shoulder?"

Minnie pushed him away. "Gosh, you really are terrible at this."

"I don't really know what I'm doing," he admitted, blushing.

"Here, try this." She turned and sat down next to him, crossing her legs. "Hi."

"Um, hi."

"My name's Minnie." She extended a hand for him to shake.

"Mickey."

"You can buy me a drink, if you like."

He pointed to her wine. "But you already have-"

Without blinking she picked up her wine and dumped it over her shoulder onto the floor. "Just buy me a drink."

"Oh, okay… Uh, waiter? Two red wines, please."

"Now ask me what I do for a living."

"Uh, what do you… like to do?"

Minnie smiled and settled back. "I work at a food bank."

"Gosh, that's really cool! Helping the homeless! I volunteer at some food banks sometimes, maybe we've seen each oth-" He stopped. "I mean, uh…" Trying to sound as suave as Donald, he said, "Cool."

"No, the first answer was better. It sparks a conversation."

"Th- thanks."

She blushed a bit and looked at her feet. "You're cute."

"I am?" Donald always said he was just dumb. "My friends think my stuttering is stupid."

"I think it's adorable."

"I think you're adorable," he blurted, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Her mouth pulled into a clandestine grin. "It's nice to meet a perfectly normal guy. I get tired of all those slimeballs pulling lines on me."

"But that's the only thing that works!"

"Yeah right. It doesn't work on me."

Mickey grinned at her. "I started the conversation with a pickup line, and here we are."

"Yeah, but that was different. Your pickup line was so pathetic it was endearing."

Maybe Donald didn't know everything. He seemed to be doing fine just being himself. Maybe…

The waiter brought the wine, but neither of them took their glasses.

"I don't really drink," Mickey admitted.

Minnie laughed. "Neither do I."

He stood. "Well, it's getting pretty late, and I should probably get home. It was nice meeting you… Minnie."

Her jaw dropped. "You're not going to ask me to your house?"

"I don't really… know you well enough."

She smiled. "My mind is officially made up. You are a decent mouse, with no ulterior motives. I like you, Mickey." Then she winked. "Too bad we won't be seeing each other again."

"Wait! Just because I wasn't going to take you home doesn't mean this is goodbye. Do you want to go… rollerblading with me?"

That made her really beam. "How's tomorrow? I'll meet you at the park at noon."

"Okay. Bye Minnie."

'See you tomorrow, Mickey." She leaned over, hesitated, then kissed his cheek lightly, before turning and skipping out of the bar.

He touched his fingers to his cheek and could feel it warm up. That was… different. He didn't have to be smooth and suave to find a girl, not like Donald. He could just be himself with her. Mickey and Minnie. It had a ring to it, didn't it?


End file.
